Below are the most recent 9 friends' journal entries.

Thursday, July 24th, 2008
almanzo	8:25p	Deafening silence. Life's not worth living if there's never anyone to share any iota of it with. There is really no worse feeling than to say something... anything... hopeful for a reaction, but everything continues as if the voice were not but an apparition visible to only myself. Like, over and over again. The level to which this treatment from others has risen has gotten kind of painfully universal. For some improbable reason I was asked today by somebody I think I like to talk to what's going on my life. And I almost had nothing to say. Not used to being asked out of nowhere, first of all. I'm afraid all the time. I can't stand to be looked at by anyone anymore, let alone socialize. I suffer panic attacks all the time now. Wasn't quite sure how to articulate that at the time... I don't want to be a black sheep anymore... I want to belong somewhere again. File under "likely to be changed to "Just Me" entry security after about an hour like usual" because whining publicly is almost as painful as keeping it inside. Current Mood: low (1 Comment |Comment on this)
almanzo	11:08a	Gay rape in Iraq I think for fairly obvious reasons, reading this story made me very angry. Perhaps moreso that there is irony in watching condemnable attitudes toward homosexuals in a country supposedly being brought freedom by another country which happens to share many of these homophobic Iraqi viewpoints and harbors hate crime terrorists itself with little interest in crusading against it. "Gays in Iraq terrorized by threats, murder, rape" BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- Kamal was just 16 when gunmen snatched him off the streets of Baghdad, stuffed him in the trunk of a car and whisked him away to a house. But the real terror was about to begin. The men realized he was gay, Kamal said, when he took his shirt off and they saw his chest was shaved. "They told me to take off my clothes to rape me or they would kill me immediately. This moment was the worst moment in my life," he told CNN, weeping as he spoke of the 2005 ordeal. "I was watching them taking off their clothes, preparing to rape me. I did not know what to do, so I started shouting loudly, 'Please do not do that! I will ask my family to give you whatever you want.'" His pleas went unheeded. "The other two kidnappers took off my clothes by force and, at that time, I saw them as three dirty animals trying to tear my body apart." He was held for 15 days, released only after his family paid a $1,500 ransom. He was raped every day. Only once, he said, was he allowed to talk to his family during captivity. "I told my family that I was beaten by them, but I did not dare to tell my family that I was raped by them. I could not say it, it's too much shame." CNN spoke with Kamal, now 18, and his 21-year-old friend, Rami, about what it's like to be gay in Iraq. Coming out as gay is not easy in any country, but to do so in Iraq could mean a death sentence or torture. The two men rarely show feelings toward each other in public. They spend a lot of time in Internet cafes in Baghdad, surfing gay chat rooms and seeking contacts with other gay men in Iraq and elsewhere. Since the fall of Saddam Hussein in 2003, the situation for gays and lesbians in Iraq has deteriorated. Ridiculed under Hussein, many now find themselves the targets of violence, according to humanitarian officials. Lesbians are also victims of harassment and violence, but not nearly as often as gay men. It's unknown how many homosexuals have been killed by militias in the lawless streets of Iraq's cities, but some Web sites post pictures of Iraqis they say were killed for being gay. One photo on the Iraqi Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender site shows a group of men standing around three male bodies sprawled on a street, blood pouring from their heads. "Gay Iraqi victims of the police and death squads," the site says. A U.N. report on human rights in Iraq reinforces the accusations of violence. Although gays are supposed to be protected by law in Iraq, it says, they face extreme brutality. "Armed Islamic groups and militias have been known to be particularly hostile toward homosexuals, frequently and openly engaging in violent campaigns against them," the report said, adding that homosexuals have been murdered. "Militias are reportedly threatening families of men believed to be homosexual, stating that they will begin killing family members unless the men are handed over or killed by the family," it said. The report was issued at the end of 2006 and is the last U.N. study to touch on the subject. Human rights experts say homosexuals are targeted for cultural reasons as well. "Gay men and lesbians in Iraq face a lot of risks right now, because homosexuality is sometimes interpreted by people in Iraq as being a Western import," said Scott Portman with the Heartland Alliance, a group that promotes human rights worldwide. "So they can sometimes be targeted by insurgent groups or militias, in part, because of animosity toward the West and, in part, because homosexuality is not well-accepted in Iraqi society." He added, "The biggest threats right now are from militia organizations, who will attack and actually sometimes kill gay men and women." Kamal and Rami say the dangers are all too real in Baghdad -- and they live in secrecy not to shame their families. "I would rather commit suicide than allow my family to find out I am gay," Rami said. Kamal said he often pretends to have girlfriends in social settings and tells his friends he's dating girls. "I am also careful with the way I dress -- not to show them that I am gay, especially my family." What would his family do if they found out? "They will force me to give it up, and I cannot do that," he said. "The 'normal' people cannot live in Iraq. Imagine how the life is for gays." Rami added, "I do not know why people hate gays even though so many have this tendency. But still they hate it." Homosexuality is a touchy subject for many Iraqis. When CNN asked Iraqis in Baghdad how they felt about homosexuals, we found intolerance to be widespread. One man said he considers gays no different from "criminals and terrorists." Another claimed homosexuality was "illegal under Islamic law, and they [gays] should be punished by law like criminals." Rami said he once fell in love with a man who was part of the Mehdi Army, a Shiite insurgent group loyal to the radical anti-American cleric Muqtada al-Sadr. Their relationship eventually soured. "One day he told me he would come over to my house and kill me in front of my family," Rami said. "I told him I would come outside and be killed in the street because I do not want my family to find out I am gay." Both men hope to escape Iraq. They say their ideal destination would be San Francisco, California. For now, both of them keep their feelings secret. Kamal is still tormented by what happened to him nearly three years ago. "During my sleep, I only see nightmares and I start crying. My family thought it was because they were beating me." He paused, "Only my close friend Rami knows about this secret." Current Mood: jarred (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008
almanzo	9:30a	Notable birthdays I was listening to the radio today and heard a strange combination of birthdays for today: Woody Harrelson (47) Alison Krauss (37) Monica Lewinsky (35) Daniel Radcliffe (19) Slash (Guns N Roses) (43) Don Imus (68) One has a guitar, one has a cigar, one has a wand, one has a bow, one has a doobie. So much in common! Oh well, happy birthday to some of those people anyhow. (Comment on this)
Monday, July 21st, 2008
almanzo	7:56p	Badass m'f'er. Keeping this brief, as I know there's only so much of me discussing the rare persons who capture my admiration one can stand, but... One badass motherf'er, yo. And all of the photos I've seen from today's visit to Iraq equally reflect as such. Yes, Other Countries In The World, America *does* have something decent to offer. Current Mood: enthralled (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 19th, 2008
heddalee	6:19p	saturday. Ted Berrigan: WRONG TRAIN Here comes the man! He's talking a lot I'm sitting, by myself. I've got A ticket to ride. Outside is, "Out to Lunch." It's no great pleasure,being on the make. Well, who is? Or, well everyone is, tho. "I'm laying there, & some guy comes up & hits me with a billyclub!" A fat guy Says. Shut up. & like that we cross a river Into the Afterlife. Everything goes on as before But never does any single experience make total use Of you. You are always slightly ahead, Slightly behind. It merely baffles, it doesn't hurt. It's a total pain & it breaks your heart In a less than interesting way. Every day Is payday. Never enough pay. A deja-vu That lasts. It's no big thing, anyway. A lukewarm greasy hamburger, ice-cold pepsi           that hurts your teeth. Ted Berrigan: I USED TO BE BUT NOW I AM I used to be inexorable, But now I am elusive. I used to be the future of America, But now I am America. Iused to be part of the problem, But now I am the problem. I used to be part of the solution, if not all of it, But now I am not that person. I used to be intense, & useful, But now I am heavy, & boring. I used to be sentimental about myself, & therefore ruthless, But now I am, I think, a sympathetic person, although              easily amused. I used to be a believer, But now, alas, I believe. Elizabeth Bishop, "One Art" The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost.... (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 17th, 2008
news [ theljstaff ]	7:10a	Basic Accounts and X-Men Account Structure Update Back by popular demand, Basic Accounts will be available to all users again by the end of the (northern hemisphere) summer. More information on the decision-making process and proposals relating to the future of Basic Accounts are in lj_2008. New Themes Two attractive and all-new Flexible Squares themes, "Circular" and "Circular Brown" are now available. L to R: Circular and Brown New V-Gifts Give someone you care about the gift of enticement. With the new Chocolate Ice Cream, Vanilla Ice Cream, Tea, Coffee, Curry and Sushi v-gifts, all the significant people in your life will be able to share in the longing for the tasty edibles below. Plus, it reminds loved ones you think they're really sweet, really savory or just plain satisfying. L to R: Chocolate Ice Cream, Vanilla Ice Cream, Tea, Coffee, Curry and Sushi Ж-Men...but not the ones you might expect! This week LJ Russia launched Ж-Men, a new comedy series about superheroes, inspired by the LJ communities dedicated to superheros, comics and cartoons. The title's "Ж" comes from ЖЖ, the nickname for LiveJournal in Russia. Ж-Men's script is written by a group of LJ enthusiasts who also happen to be television professionals. Who knew? Following the premiere, five more episodes will be broadcast over the next two weeks. We hope you find the series fresh and enjoyable. This is, of course, an experiment for LiveJournal. As always, we'd love to hear what you think! Current Mood: awake (436 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
almanzo	8:15p	Car insurance My car insurance has gone down to an historical low - $127 per month. I guess that's not too impressive considering I have had a history of having car insurance, but it's been interrupted and shifted so much geographically that the below-$100 rates I'd always dreamed of have yet to happen upon me. But still... I have never been involved in an accident on-record that I was at-fault for. State Farm has certified me a "Superior" driver. I think I've decided I don't care to listen to anyone tell me I'm not a good driver anymore. Current Music: "Cruel To Be Kind," Nick Lowe (Comment on this)
heddalee	12:25p	Italian wins gay driving ban case An Italian court has ordered the government to pay 100,000 euros (£79,919) to a man who had to retake his driving test because he was gay. Danilo Giuffrida, now 26, told doctors he was homosexual during a medical examination for military service. The information was passed to the defence and transport ministries. Mr Giuffrida was told to repeat his driving test or have his licence suspended because of his "sexual identity disturbance". Mr Giuffrida passed his test for the second time but his licence was renewed for just one year rather than the usual 10 years because of his homosexuality. A court in Catania, Sicily, ordered the ministries to pay damages on the basis that Mr Giuffrida's constitutional rights had been breached and that homosexuality could not be considered a "mental illness". The judge said the actions of the ministries showed "evident sexual discrimination". Mr Giuffrida welcomed the sentence as "a step forwards for civil rights." --- http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7503861.stm   (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 11th, 2008
almanzo	11:29p	For those days when you're feeling really blue... If ever you felt down about yourself one day, take heart knowing all of America is also becoming a cheap date! The life of an American human being is $900,000 less in value than it was five years ago, per EPA (No, not really interested in posturing a point here, I just found this incredibly funny.) ( Going rate for American life... ) (Comment on this)